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It is important to remember that no child
can be good or nice or smart all the time. When we make judgemental
comments, even though they are positive, we may be setting the child up to
doubt or question him/herself and his/her capabilities. When
we as adults make such judgments, we take away the child's freedom to
judge for themselves how they performed.
The renowned child psychologist Haim Ginott theorized that ineffective
praise creates anxiety, invites dependency and evokes defensivenes. In other words, if the parent
or teacher judges positively, they can also judge negatively. When we judge, we
take a position of superiority rather than letting the child decide how he views his work.
Praise can easily become a tool by which parents or teachers control or manipulate a child's
behavior.
Encouragement is a positive response that focuses on the
child's efforts or specific attributes of his or her accomplishments. Encouragement does not
put a judgement or place a value on the child's performance. Encouragement, on the other
hand, invites the child to feel more self-confident. By definition encouragement means:
"1. To inspire with courage, 2. To spur on: stimulate. While
praise comments on the worth of or approval of something, encouragement refers to positive acknowledgment
on a child's efforts and/or specific attributes of work completed. Encouragement:
- is specific
- is best done in private
- focuses on improvement of a process rather than evaluation of a finished product
- is sincere and direct, communicated in a natural tone of voice
- does not set children up for failure
- helps children develop an appreciation of their own behaviors and achievements
- avoids comparisons and competition
Here are some expamples of encouraging comments:
"Thank you for helping me set the table. You put a spoon by every bowl."
"I noticed that you listened to the story very carefully."
"You picked up many more toys than you have ever picked up before. When you help
me pick up the toys we get finished much sooner."
"You were able to share with your sister this afternoon."
"You look happy about your painting. Look at all the colors you used."
"You must be very pleased that you were able to do that all by yourself."
"You must feel good that you did better on your test this week. I wonder if it was because
you have been working hard on your homework every night?"
By encouraging our children we are helping them to develop an
appreciation of their own behaviors and achievements. Encouragement avoids comparisons or
competition. Ex. "You read all by yourself for 15 minutes." That's longer than the time
you spent reading yesterday." "You're getting faster at your multiplication tables."
These type of positive statements promotes the child's recognition of change, accomplishment and progress.
CopyrightŠ2000 Texas Childrens Hospital, Learning Support Center
All Rights Reserved
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