Friendship Facilitation
Page 4

• How open is my child to try with someone new?   When children have felt rejected by others, they can react in different ways.   Some children react with anger, blaming others for their isolation.   Others become sad and withdrawn; they may avoid contacts with peers, and reject suggestions to have someone over.   Others are sad but still interested in trying with new people.   Still others react with defensiveness or even defiance if you try to raise the issue.   Others might be shy and slow to warm up to new people, and need more time in one-on-one situations.
• How aware is my child of the problem?   Some children are oblivious. You can see that they are socially isolated and unaware, but they do not see it.   They may also be unaware of what they are doing that is creating problems with peers.   Children wo are unaware of social cues do not pick up on the reactions of others, and may not know they are disliked.
• Is my child able to talk about friendship or social issues without too much defensiveness?   Some children become very upset if you mention problems with friends.   Other children can talk about it, but only if they do not feel pushed, criticized or blamed.   Children tend to be very sensitive about this topic, so you must proceed with sensitivity.

• Am I too frustrated, embarrassed or angry to be warm with my child?   Sometimes it is hard to be helpful if we are feeling embarrassed, angry, impatient or frustrated by our child's inappropriate social behavior.   We may cringe when our child does something that others roll their eyes about.   We may have been embarrassed in front of our friends.   We have to be able to be warm, encouraging, non-critical, to our child; able to redirect him and give feedback lightly, without anger.   This can be very hard!   If you are not ready, find someone to talk to about your feelings, practice calming yourself down, and think about how your words will sound to your child and in front of the guest.   Prepare yourself to be helpful