Friendship Facilitation
Page 3

• Does my child need to start fresh with some new peers?   Often a child gets a "reputation" with peers in school or in the neighborhood, and then cannot break out of that stereotype.   Perhaps he has been the "odd one out" and is being teased.   Children do not change perceptions easily.   Start fresh with new people, new groups or a new setting (school, clubs, scout troop, church).   In addition, your child may be frustrated, angry or dejected about being able to be successful where he has previously been rejected.   These feelings can make it hard to "get in" with peers with whom he has already had difficulty.
• Does your child have trouble in some environments but not in others?   Talk to your child's teacher, day care leader, or other adults with whom he has contact.   Engage their assistance in helping to understand what sorts of problems your child has with peers.   See if they would be willing or able to help your child to manage his behavior with peers, and solve social problems with talking too much, without taking enough interest in others, would the adults be willing to notice or help with a gentle reminder when this occurs.   Some adults or programs approach peer relationships as something "the kids should manage on their own".   Your child may not be able to be successful in this "hands off" setting, and may need a more closely supervised and structured setting.
• Does your child have trouble in group activities such as scouts and sports?   Become a part of your child's activities and expect to stay and supervise.   Even when other children are able to handle being dropped off, your child may need more supervision and support.   Watch to see what the problems are; also note when your child is successful.   Who does your child get along with?   Your child may need more structure or may need more activity to prevent boredom.   Use information you glean from your observations to help plan how to help.   Use the skills in incidental teaching and social problem solving either individually, or in the group.   Another problem may be that these activities are too performance-oriented or competitive for your child.   Seek out a group that focuses on something your child has an interest or special talent in.   This can help her feel like she fits in sooner.