Friendship Facilitation

      Your child may have friends over already, play with siblings, or seem to have a few friends at school.   At the same time, he may also complain of being picked on, teased, or not receive many invitations for parties, sleepovers and the like.   Children who are socially isolated, may tend to isolate themselves still further.   This can lead to more teasing, more isolation, and so on.   The fear or risk and rejection, can lead to the very circumstance that they fear.   Some children find it helpful to cultivate one special friend or "Buddy", with whom they can get along.   Even if they continue to have a hard time in some settings, in others, or with their buddy, they feel better.   Two children together are less likely to be teased and picked on than one.   There is safety in numbers.   Parents can help by helping your child choose and cultivate one good friend.   Then she may be ready to branch out to make a second friend in one-on-one get-togethers.   Here are some important factors to consider.

• Does my child have interests in common with peers her age?  If not, help her to cultivate some common, age-typical interests.   This may include helping your child pay attention to what is cool in clothing, toys, games or movies, even what is the latest fad.   This may seem petty or shallow to you, but if your child has an interest in common with peers, they have more to talk about.  For older pre-teens, help them by promoting interest and knowledge in radio stations, movies, clothing and (yes), even fads.   Of course, use your judgment in matters of values and taste.   (Even if these peer interests seem less "advanced" than your child's current interests, it helps a gifted child if he can "speak the language" of his age-mates.)
• Does my child have mainly inerests which are solitary or which get in the way of friendships?   If your child spends hours on solitary computer games, reading or TV, or has intese interests that do not include others, help him to develop interests that can