Tools For Being Firm
Time Out
This is one of the best ways to interrupt a young child's misbehavior, by removing him/her from the
activity for a few minutes and making them sit in a quiet place. By briefly isolating
a frustrated child, he is given an opportunity to cope with his feelings and gain a sense of control.
This is used in many preschools for unacceptable behavior, i.e. biting, hitting or aggressiveness. Time
out used in this way is not for punishment, but to remove the child from the situation, where he can calm his
body and possibly come up with better ways to handle his frustration.
It is most effective with behaviors that are more aggressive or acting-out i.e. hitting, kicking,
throwing objects or toys, biting, hair pulling, angry screaming, back talk, or cursing. Note that
time out is not as effective for pouting, whining, or irritable behavior.
Steps for Implementing Time Out:
1. Inform the child which behaviors will qualify for a time out.
2. Try a "practice time out" where the child will know exactly how the procedure will go.
a. pick a place where time out will be served
b. set a timer so the child will know exactly how much time
(usually one minute for each year of age, but most ADD children can handle no more than 5 minutes of isolation) will be served.
c. Should be an immediate consequence and parent should use
no more than ten words and ten seconds to get the child to time out. [according to Dr. Lynn Clark, 1985]
d. no-talking and no-emotion rule. Remember, no talking
(including lecture or arguing) and show no emotion, but direct to time out calmly.
e. No one should make contact with or talk to the child during the
time out. No tv, toys, or games should be allowed.
f. When the timer rings, the child is made aware that he/she can come out and resume his activity.
At this time the child should be asked the reason he was sent to time out. If the child answers correctly, he should be
reinforced with "that's right". If he cannot state why he was sent, the parents should give the answer (calmly and briefly) "Your
time out was for hitting" and allow the child to go back to his activity.
These steps have been adapted from Clark, 1985, Barkley, 1997, and Flick, 1996
3. During time out, the child should be ignored unless physical danger is present. If the child
is destructive during time out, he much clean up his mess and reimburse the parent for any damages.
4. After time out, the parent should only ask "Why were you sent to time out?" (See step F above.)
Resistance to Time Out:
Additional minutes should be added if the child is resistant. (not to exceed 5 additional minutes).
Escort the child to the time out chair if he does not go on his own. For young children who attempt to leave the chair,
the parent should stand behind the chair and hold him in. After stating when the child calms down and the bell rings he
may come out, nothing else should be said. If resistance continues, a behavior penalty should be used for older children.
This means a privilege should be taken away from the child for a short period of time. It could be no TV for the night,
no bike riding for the day, or giving up something else the child considers a privilege. The important part here
is the parent must follow through at the first opportunity.
Grounding
Grounding is an technique that is used by many parents of pre-teens-teens. In general,
it is shown to be effective with ADD teens when it is used properly. Of course one of the main
drawbacks is that a parent has to be around to supervise and enforce the grounding. This is often
worse for the parent than it is for the teen. Teens are very clever at using the phone when you
are gone or even finding that locked up phone when you are out for an hour. Always take time to decide
what kind of punishment would be most effective. Ask yourself, "What is my goal and how can it best
be achieved?" If grounding is overused, it becomes ineffective. Many parents of teens have found
grounding particularly useful in situations regarding safety, i.e. telling you they are going somewhere
and then going some other place, ignoring or abusing curfew, driving recklessly or drinking and driving,
and abusing phone time and not doing homework. Grounding typically means the loss of all privileges (no tv,
no use of the phone and restriction from leaving the house). Parents could also ground from not all, but specific
activities (i.e. only the phone, or only tv).
Grounding is more effective when it is kept short. (a weekend or week should be the maximum time).
If grades are a problem, then ground during the week until you have seen the weekly progress report. This way the teen
has a chance to improve throughout the week in order to earn his privileges for the weekend. You could also do modified
grounding by adding some extra chores and have the grounding end after these chores are completed. Some parents have found that
using fines (i.e. percentage of allowance is taken away for disrespectful behavior) in combination with grounding to be very
effective. The important point here is that the parent makes the decision on the chores and does not let the child
bargain, the rules are not negotiable.
Whatever you are grounding for should be discussed up front with the teen so he knows what sort of misbehaviors warrant grounding.
Make sure that the grounding is related to the unwanted behavior. If curfew has been abused, then it would make sense to ground
the teen from going out the next weekend. If the phone is being abused, tehn it would be related to ground the teen
from the phone. If use of the car has been abused, then it would make sense to ground from the car. It is important
to note thatADD teens may especially have difficulty with social relationships and grounding should not cause his social network
to collapse.
Behavior Contracts
Behavior contracts can be used to help your child start doing something, like chores or some other desired
behavior. Behavior contracts clearly establish expectations of behaviors and rewards. The child is involved
in writing the contract and included in discussion of expected behavior and rewards. The contract should be written
out so there are no doubts and the parents and child should sign off.
Routines
Routines are a way of helping a child establish something that you want to become a daily pattern, i.e. morning routine, bedtime
routine, brushing teeth, or getting dressed. Once established, a child can do things more independently, without
nagging or constant reminders from a parent.
CopyrightŠ2000 Texas Childrens Hospital, Learning Support Center
All Rights Reserved
Used with permission
Free JavaScripts provided
by The JavaScript Source
|
|