Tools For Being Firm

opportunities. This goes back to what are we trying to accomplish when we set limits with our children? If the goal is to reduce negative behavior and to help a child learn, then "SLO's" are important in reaching the goal.

Remember, the use of natural consequences are not always the most appropriate way to handle a problem. If no consequences is obvious, then perhaps an alternative method would be more effective. We face natural and logical consequences all the time in our daily life and children begin to see that by middle school if you forget your homework, a letter grade will be taken off or the student will be given a "0". This helps students plan and prepare.

Teens may see logical consequences as punishment and for this age group the concept of follow through is recommended. This is essentially what we do using our problem solving method.

We certainly recognize that many of your children may not seem to learn from natural consequences or logical consequences. Therefore, another strategy might be more effective. Children with learning disabilities and ADD require about ten (10) times as long to learn something. Therefore, it may take a lot of practice.

PRACTICE,PRACTICE,PRACTICE

Drs. Azrin and Foxx (1977) also call this Positive Practice and Restitution. The child is first asked to practice a new behavior many times, immediately after committing the offensive opposite behavior. Although this procedure takes some time and patience on the parents part, it can produce rapid change for resistant behaviors. Some LD/ADD children may benefit from this type of practicing. & nbsp; It is important that the parent not get emotional and simply show the child the appropriate behavior that needs to be practiced. Sometimes a child may not actually know how you want him to do something.

Example:
     A child slams the door rather than properly closing it. He would be told that he must go back and close the door appropriately in order to establish the more appropriate way to close the door. He must practice this ten times. This step is called positive practice.

Some situations may require a second step where the child is asked to pay restitution.

Example:
     A child walks into the kitchen and in a demanding tone of voice says, "Get me a soda!" First, you would have the child practice the proper way to ask for a soda by having him practice about ten times, "Mother, may I have a soda?" Second, because the child's tone was demanding and he was disrespectful, he is asked to pay restitution. This could be an additional chore or something special for his mother. After paying restitution, the child can repeat his request "Mother, may I have a soda?" He would then receive his request. Say "YES" whenever possible. This is a very simple strategy. Children love to hear yes. Use this as often as possible. Very often we immediately say "No, not until...", "after...", "unless...", when we could actually give a qualified yes.

Examples:
     "Yes, you may watch TV when your homework is completed."
     "Yes, you may play outside after you clean your room".
     "Yes, I will take you to the mall after you do your chores".
     "Yes, you may talk on the phone as long as you have finished everything you need to and will be in bed by 10:00 p.m.".

OFFER CHOICES

This is an excellent strategy that gives a child some control in a world where most big decisions are made by grown-ups. (parents work hours, school and day-care setting, move for a job or to a different neighborhood). It is possible to give children some choices on less critical decisions. For example, what they like to wear, favorite foods and restaurants, and choices in leisure activities. Choices teach decision making, make the rules set by parents more acceptable and show that you value your child's individuality.

Example:
     "Would you like to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?"
     "Would you like to do these chores before or immediately following dinner?"
     "Would you prefer to have a 30 minute T.V. break now or finish your homework then watch T.V.?"
     "Would you prefer to set the table tonight or to wash the dishes?"

As you can see, this allows the parent to set the parameters of appropriate choices, yet still gives the child a voice.

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