Andrew's Story - page 2

      Now, I had to deal with my husband.   Men can’t accept the fact that this can touch their child, especially a boy.   He didn’t believe that Andrew had ADHD and refused to even discuss it.   He later admitted that he had problems in school growing up and knew how Andrew felt.   He felt guilty that he could have passed this on to him and was in denial of that.   I assured him that it wasn’t his fault since it wasn’t something he did on purpose.   He still didn’t want to discuss it, so I put it on the back burner.   Maybe once Andrew turned 8 years old things would get better.   A girl can dream, ya know!

      Then, Andrew entered third grade.   His teacher this year was one of the best we had encountered and Andrew’s relationship with her proved that.   But, with even more time out of the classroom for special education, things were positively out of control.   We learned Andrew also had Central Auditory Processing Disorder (CAPD), which wasn’t being addressed.   After much discussion and research, we decided to bite the bullet and take advantage of having the best hospital in the nation 30 minutes away and made an appointment at Children’s Hospital in Boston, for Andrew to be tested for ADHD and any other underlying problems.

      Our date was set for June 1996.   Before that, they wanted us to fill out some paperwork to give them some background.   The teachers were asked to write a letter describing Andrew in a school setting.   We were asked to describe Andrew since the day he was born, my pregnancy, family history, etc.   In the paperwork we made sure that we were questioning ADHD as a possibility and that was the main reason for the appointment.   We arrived at Children’s Hospital at 7:45 in the morning. Over the next 4 hours, Andrew -- by himself -- met with four doctors; a pediatrician, a psychologist, a neurologist, and an audiologist.   We were also asked to meet with them separately.   Then, when it was over, we were told to go home and wait for the report, which could take up towards 6 weeks to get!   ARE YOU KIDDING?   6 WEEKS?   We were so upset that if our son had ADHD we had to wait at all to find out and to get him some help.   And if he didn’t have it, then we needed to know what it was and what they recommended.   We pushed to see the pediatrician, who was reluctant, but he knew we wouldn’t go away until we talked.   So, he took us into an office, which seemed like a broom closet, and explained in a matter of 5 minutes, “Andrew’s frustration was a result of his learning disabilities and that he needed behavior modification.”   The team strongly felt that there was “no evidence of ADHD.”   Okay, so now what?

      We needed to get some help.   So, I got a list of psychologists in the area from a family member who was a social worker.   I found one who sounded nice, was a woman, and was willing to help.   We started to see her as a family and after a few sessions, she wanted to see my husband and I alone.   She didn’t want Andrew to come.   WHY?   Well, she believed that I was the one who needed the help - not Andrew.   She convinced me that I was trying to control my child, that I was the reason Andrew was behaving this way, and I was the one who was going to change, and I believed her!   Both my husband and I were looking for any answers to make life better.   We wanted to be able to take our kids out to restaurants, ballgames, carnivals, the beach and even just to hang out at friends’ houses without having to constantly be worried about what Andrew was going to do.   We dreaded going to birthday parties and were afraid to leave the kids with other kids, either at a friend’s house, or with a baby-sitter.   If we did, we would call all the time. Yes, the therapist was partially right.   I was hard on Andrew, but I thought I was disciplining him.   But after some more sessions, it became clear to us that things were not getting better for Andrew at all and if we were ever going to be happy as a whole family, then we needed to find someone else.   Someone who wouldn’t blame anyone, but help all of us.