Developing Good Communication Skills

     Children must feel they can talk honestly with their parents without fear of criticism.  Parents must learn to listen!  This can be a difficult task!  Learn to "bite your tongue" and do the following:

1.  When your child asks to talk to you, give him your undivided attention as soon as you can.  Give him eye contact.
   
   
2.  Listen quietly and actively to your child.
   
3.  Withhold advice/judgment until the child has an opportunity to fully communicate his problem and/or viewpoint.
   
   
4.  Your child is entitled to his own feelings!  Don't minimize his opinions/feelings as trivial.  To the child they are very real and important.
   
   
5.  Don't respond to what your child is feeling by anger, sarcasm, or mind reading ("I know just how you feel," etc.).  Don't preach or nag.
   
   
6.  You should not always verbalize an opinion about and/or a solution to your child's problem(s).  Offer your child the opportunity to solve his own problems!  Unless the solution is dangerous to himself (or to another), allow him to work things out for himself.  Children must have practice making decisions (both good and bad).  When the problem and the solution to the problem belong to the child, the child accepts responsibility for both!
   
   
7.  When you do advise your child, try to guide rather than direct.  Use comments such as, "I wonder if there might be other choice you could consider?" or "How can I help you with this problem?"  Your guidance can help him find suitable resolutions.
   
   
8.  Avoid comments such as, "You are wrong," or "That's a dumb idea!"  These kinds of comments (however true they may be) convince your child that he can't talk to you!  Keep the lines of communication open.
   
   
9.  Schedule serious discussions in the living room, den, or the child's room.  Never schedule these discussions at mealtime or bedtime.

1.  Don't force communication.  Try to ease him into talking to you by using an understanding, non-threatening manner.  Often, when a child believes his feelings are understood by you, he will feel comfortable discussing them.
   
   
2.  Respect your child's privacy.  Tell him that you would like to talk with him when he's ready.
   
   
3.  Encourage your child to talk with another family member with whom he feels comfortable.  In addition, the family doctor or the child's teacher would gladly "lend an ear."
   
   
4.  If you are seriously concerned about your child's lack of communication with you, seek the advice of a professional.
   
   
5.  Some children don't like to sit and talk.  They feel more comfortable talking while doing an activity they enjoy.  Shooting a basketball or walking the dog with a parent may provide the opportunity for successful communication.
   
   
6.  The worst place for effective communication seems to be the car (especially when the parent is driving).  The child often feels trapped and out of control.  In addition, parents cannot give the child their full attention.