Matthew
"The Perfect Child"

     It's almost every mother's opinion that SHE has the perfect child, I'm no different.   Only my perfect child has a few catches to him.   Just some things that make even the smallest progresses that much more special.....my child, my son, has PDD and ADHD.

"Before the diagnosis"

     My pregnancy was no different than most and the birth was a relatively easy one.    Matt was born the oldest of a set of b/g twins, they were full term, no complications during birth, both were beautiful healthy babies, both 19 inches long, Matt weighed in at 5lbs 14 oz and Rachel at 5lbs 10 1/2 oz, they were perfect.

     Matt grew into a very happy and loving toddler, always smiling and laughing.    Constantly charming people he met with his curly blonde hair and big blue eyes that were hidden beneath thick, dark lashes, his contagious laugh and playful antics.

     I guess he was about 18 months when we started to suspect he might be ADHD, though actually admitting it was something else!   He just seemed to have a harder time listening and focusing than his sister or other kids, and the energy he had!!!   He didn't stop......EVER!!   I couldn't leave him alone for a second!   If I turned my back on him he would find a way to get to things that my husband and I were positive that we had put away in such a safe place, in such a way, that it was completely child safe!!   Ok, so NOW I know that there is really no such words when dealing with children...   Well, Matt was the one who always showed us that there WAS a way to get to them.

      Then there was his amazing ability to "tune us out"!   I can remember sneaking up behind him and screaming his name or banging on something just trying to see if he could hear me!   Did he? Sometimes!   I just couldn't understand it!   Even if he was tuning us out, how could he not even blink when all of a sudden there was such a loud, unexpected noise?

      But there were also other things about Matthew that concerned us, things that were only now showing up and things yet to come, things that would turn our lives upside down and break our hearts like nothing we had ever experienced before.

"The signs" and the "denial"

     Let me start this by saying that over the years I've come to believe that denial is a "safety catch" for our sanity.   I feel that it's our brains saying "this person CAN NOT deal with this right now" so it allows us to not recognize, not admit, not believe the truth or what could be the truth until we are capable of dealing and not falling right over the edge.   I'm not saying it's a good thing, but sometimes it's a necessary thing.

      One of my biggest wishes was that I/we had had the strength to get help for Matt the moment we thought something may have been different, because now I understand that his being autistic isn't the end of the world and the earlier you get help the easier it is for everyone.