When we first found out I was pregnant in June of 1982, one part of me was very excited while I wasn't sure I was ready to be a mother. I was barely out of collegs and was watching my father as he was dying from lung cancer. I think at the time I just had too many other things on my mind, to really grasp the changes taking place inside of me. As time went on and I heard her heart beat and began to feel her kicking and moving my excitement began to settle in.

     At that time ultra sounds were not used on any regular basis as they are today. The only time an ultra sound may have been performed was if they assumed there might be complications. This being my first pregnancy and with everything seeming to go along normally, there was no need for one to be performed. I still remember wishing that somehow I could find out what I was having, a boy or a girl. Not knowing though we picked out two names, Kristi Lynn and Eric Scott. They set my due date as March 6, 1983.

     With all my time taken up during my pregnancy with taking care of my father, who had demanded I move back home to take care of him not much time was spent preparing for the arrival of my baby. I continued with my regular Doctor visits, which were all normal, so we never questioned any complications. In November, when Kristi's Father gave me the ultimatum that I return home to him or he would leave for good, Kristi's heart beat began to slow down. We wrote this off to the stress of the situation. I chose to stay with my Dad, figuring this was where I needed to be. As a result Kristi's Father did leave.

     Her heart beat stabilized again, after I had made my decision and knew for sure in my heart that I was where I needed to be. Again though in December when my Dad passed away, her heart beat slowed. Again we wrote this off due to the stress. After Christmas I started busying myself with preparing things for my baby's arrival. Again her heart rate stabilized, so again this confirmed our first diagnosis as stress being the factor.

     In late January, I returned to the Doctor, this ended up being my last visit to see him. I complained that the baby had dropped so low, and that I felt I was going to deliver early. My doctor did not think this was a problem, and felt the baby would still move back up again before delivery. I still felt as though the time was near, and sure enough labor started shortly after that visit. For the next two weeks, I was in and out of labor. On February 3, 1983 I awoke with a back pain that just would not go away. By February 5, 1983 I was having contractions that would not stop. A quick call to my Doctor only calmed me down, that everything would be ok, and if the contractions got too uncomfortable or my water broke to just go to the hospital. At 2:30 A.M. on February 6th I was admitted to the hospital.

     After they got me hooked up to the monitors at the hospital it wasn't long before they discovered that with every contraction my baby's heartbeat was dropping clear down to almost nothing. They thought at first it was because she needed to turn. We tried different positions, but nothing seemed to make things any better. The Doctor decided to break my water, to speed things up so we could get the baby out before too much stress was put on it.

     At 12:45 P.M. I finally delivered her. She was so tiny, weighing in at 5 pounds 11 ounces. The cord was wrapped around her neck three times. It had been like that for so long that it had actually attached itself to her chest right above the wind pipe. When they removed it, she ended up with a small pin size hole there. Thankfully the hole had not deepened any further or it would have penetrated her wind pipe. She still has the little hole, which forms a small white core that works it's way out every so often, but quickly reforms a small white core again.

     It wasn't long in the hospital before we realized she couldn't suckle to my breast. Being a new mom we figured it was something I was doing wrong, or due to nerves. The Doctor refused to let either of us go home until we could get this figured out. They refused to give her anything but sugar water since we were determined to get her to nurse. Since she couldn't suckle though my milk never did come in. She was in the hospital for 10 days. They finally let me bring her home, this was when the real struggle began.

     Kristi was not like the normal new born baby, she spent all her time sleeping. She didn't even cry the first two weeks after we brought her home. Unlike a newborn if she was uncomfortable she didn't cry to be held instead she just wanted to be left alone. We knew something wasn't right, but it would take a long time of struggles to find out just what was going on. I invite you to finish reading about Kristi in the following pages as I share our trials and tribulations with you.

*a special thanks goes out to those at the Tree of Knowledge, who have given me the courage to tell this story and share it with all of you.

The painting used to create this set
is called "White Orchids" by T.C. Chiu