| Imagine that we each arrive into the world with a | | | | even the teeny tiniest accomplishment. And when |
| golden ball that is our life companion, bouncing and | | | | you start really looking, feeling proud is not hard |
| shimmering its way along side us throughout our | | | | to find. |
| lives. As we grow up, the glow of our golden ball | | | | Find out what Works: After a few days ask |
| grows brighter as our self-esteem blossoms. | | | | yourself these questions: |
| Through the messages we give our children, we | | | | - Were my 'pride statements' novel enough to |
| make choices in how strong their golden balls | | | | grab the attention of my child, student, or other |
| glow. They may fade or grow ever more radiant | | | | challenging loved one? |
| as our loved ones develop pride in their | | | | - Has there been some noticeable behavior |
| competence. A wonderful consequence of | | | | change? |
| nurturing pride is strong self-worth. | | | | - In what other settings or situations can I |
| These ten tips will help your children or challenging | | | | continue to nurture pride? |
| loved ones to grow and glow ever more golden: | | | | Case Study |
| | | | My 39 year old client, Peter, who has Asperger |
| 1. Praise even small acts of cooperation. They will | | | | Syndrome, is quite charming and social but was |
| glow with feeling appreciated. | | | | experiencing continual rejection in social settings |
| 2. Encourage them through their new experiences | | | | because he would monopolize the conversation |
| and challenges with "I believe in you" messages. | | | | with his favorite two questions. Peter was |
| They will glow with a sense of being trusted to | | | | fascinated with whales and he just loved a new |
| work it out. | | | | audience to search out different opinions of the |
| 3. Give age and stage appropriate freedom and | | | | same factual questions: "How many species of |
| choices. They will glow with a sense of | | | | whales are there in the world?" and "Which |
| independence and opportunity. | | | | oceans do they live in?" Most people don't know |
| 4. Listen with your silence and respond without | | | | and are not interested in the answer, so Peter |
| judgment. They will glow with self- respect. | | | | found himself sitting alone and feeling alienated |
| 5. Set guidelines and limits that are clear, fair and | | | | after five minutes in a room. It did not matter |
| positive. They will glow with a sense of safety. | | | | that he already knew the answers to these |
| 6. Allow your loved ones to see your mistakes | | | | questions which had been a lifetime fixation. |
| and frailties. They will glow with self- acceptance. | | | | We designed a strategy that cues Peter to divert |
| 7. Model your values for your children by living by | | | | the questioning and instead say " Oh! I have the |
| them openly. They will glow with a sense of | | | | answer to that question, don't I?" What makes |
| direction. | | | | the strategy successful is that immediately after |
| 8. Smile and hug often and full out. They will glow | | | | he stops himself from slipping into repetitive |
| with happy hearts and connectedness. | | | | questioning, it is important to Peter to hear (from |
| 9. Honor their uniqueness, their quirks and their | | | | the supporting adult) his favorite praise phrase, "I |
| individuality. They will glow with creativity. | | | | am so proud of you!" Eventually Peter began to |
| 10. Help them explore what makes them proud of | | | | catch himself ahead of the cue. It is especially |
| themselves. Invite them to tell you what makes | | | | important to notice and acknowledge that type of |
| them proud of you.They will glow with emotional | | | | spontaneous behavior improvement with an even |
| intelligence. | | | | more specific praise statement such as "I am so |
| Action Step: Bring out feelings of pride in your | | | | proud of you for stopping yourself! " or "I am so |
| challenging loved one~ | | | | proud of you for remembering you did not need |
| For the next week, plan to find daily opportunities | | | | to ask that question while you were at the |
| to say "I am very proud of you!" Sincerity is | | | | dance!" |
| supreme. Say it only when you are feeling | | | | Keep in mind, our challenging loved ones are all |
| genuinely proud. Say it with feeling. Be smiling. Be | | | | unique. Find your unique way of adapting these |
| amazed. But do be yourself and say "I am VERY | | | | tips. |
| proud of you because -- - -----!" It can be about | | | | |