| A Behavioral Health Professional Shares His | | | | working with children. |
| Knowledge | | | | You can learn the very same techniques that |
| Of How To Eliminate Temper Tantrums in | | | | experts in behavior utilize to |
| Children | | | | Maintain control and respect without resorting to |
| In my 25+ years as a Juvenile Probation Officer, | | | | verbal or physical abuse |
| Corrections Officer, | | | | Of any kind. |
| Mentor to mentally challenged youth and adults | | | | Here's My Number One Recommendation: |
| and Behavioral | | | | The first time a child attempts to use any of the |
| Health Professional I've seen my share of clients | | | | behaviors I've listed for |
| throwing | | | | A temper tantrum you must stop at once and |
| Temper tantrums! | | | | deal with the behavior. |
| Adults throw temper tantrums as well and it can | | | | If you are driving your car and a child throws a |
| be especially | | | | temper tantrum - |
| Frightening when that adult happens to be a six | | | | Pull over. Stop the car. |
| foot tall inmate of | | | | If you are shopping and your child wants a treat |
| A corrections facility who is armed with a pick ax. | | | | that you've denied |
| I've been there | | | | And escalates their behavior to an impending |
| And I've dealt with that exact situation. | | | | temper tantrum - |
| I've also dealt with inmates who were rioting in a | | | | Stop shopping. If necessary leave the cart in the |
| barracks. A riot is | | | | aisle and escort the |
| Like having multiple people throwing temper | | | | Child out of the store. If my verbal techniques fail |
| tantrums all at the same time! | | | | to stop the behavior |
| The time to eliminate temper tantrums is the | | | | You may have to cancel the shopping and drive |
| very first time they occur! | | | | home. |
| In this report I'll share with you some of the | | | | Whatever you do you must not give in to the |
| techniques I've found have | | | | behavior. |
| Worked for me. For the most part, I believe your | | | | If you are at the movies or even just watching |
| success or failure in | | | | television and your child |
| Eliminating temper tantrums is largely influenced | | | | Asks for a $6.50 box of popcorn and then |
| by your attitude and demeanor when dealing | | | | throws a temper tantrum in |
| With the behavior. You'll learn what to say, how | | | | The theatre when you say "No". |
| to hold yourself and exactly how | | | | Take the child out of the seating area and into |
| To act. | | | | the lobby. |
| I'll also tell you how professionals handle situations | | | | Use the phrases that have worked for me in the |
| that have escalated | | | | past. If the child |
| Out of control. You'll learn what to expect, what | | | | Continues to escalate their temper tantrum take |
| not to do and how to keep | | | | the child home. |
| Everyone, yourself included, safe. | | | | As I said, at the first sign of an impending temper |
| How Temper Tantrums Begin | | | | tantrum |
| All behavior has a reason. Behavior is a learned | | | | EVERYTHING STOPS! |
| response to achieve | | | | Here's My Number Two Recommendation: |
| Some need. Infants learn that crying often brings | | | | EXPECT RESPECT - EXPECT COMPLIANCE! |
| some | | | | You do not have to defend your decisions as a |
| Form of relief. An infant cries for many reasons | | | | parent. |
| including: | | | | Make no excuses and accept no excuses. |
| 1. Being hungry | | | | Excuses are not solutions. |
| 2. Being over-tired and irritable | | | | That means do not scream or argue with your |
| 3. Having a diaper that is wet or chaffing | | | | kids. |
| 4. Being thwarted from doing something like | | | | � You are the parent - your requests do not |
| grabbing your $350 pair of glasses. | | | | need to be justified or defended. |
| 5. Being made to go to bed while others are | | | | � It is your house - you pay the bills and you |
| active | | | | set the house rules. Don't apologize. |
| You can add your own causes for children crying. | | | | � When your child grabs a treat off the shelf |
| But, this report is not about | | | | at the grocery store do not say: |
| Crying in infants. It is about behavior in children | | | | "I'm sorry honey but we don't have enough |
| that escalates crying to | | | | money in our budget for honey-flopper toastit |
| The level of a "melt-down". In a temper tantrum | | | | Wappers (or whatever) so, would you put it back |
| you may see any or all of these | | | | please?" |
| Behaviors: | | | | Instead say: "Honey, you need to stop. Put it |
| 1. Screaming | | | | back right now or you can't shop with me." |
| 2. Uncontrollable crying, sobbing and difficulty | | | | If your child starts to argue, plead or whine say: |
| getting a breath | | | | "What did I just tell you?" |
| 3. Kicking | | | | If she responds that she should put it back (but |
| 4. Hitting | | | | hasn't) you say: "Then, do it" |
| 5. Smashing things | | | | When she puts the treat back respond: |
| 6. Child throws himself on the floor | | | | "Thank you, you can continue to shop with me as |
| 7. Child runs uncontrollably bumping into people and | | | | long as you behave". |
| furniture without regard | | | | On the other hand if you've said "What did I just |
| My First Rule: | | | | tell you?" and your child continues to argue, |
| At the first sign of an impending temper tantrum | | | | Plead or whine or starts to thow a temper |
| EVERYTHING STOPS! | | | | tantrum then respond: "You are not listening. |
| Children unconsciously use temper tantrums and | | | | I'm taking you home until you learn to do what |
| the threat of throwing | | | | you are told". |
| A temper tantrum in public to extort an action | | | | ACTION: |
| from the parent. | | | | Take her by the hand and leave the store. |
| The child throws a temper tantrum to gain | | | | Do not listen to pleas or apologies once you leave |
| attention and to cause a parent | | | | the store. |
| Or other person to give them what they want. | | | | Just drive home. Yes, I know you may not have |
| Most parents are self-conscious about being seen | | | | finished shopping and that is an inconvenience. |
| as a "good" parent | | | | In fact, you may have very little in the cupboard |
| By the public. Children intuitively know this. Children | | | | to feed your children supper. |
| also quickly pick | | | | That is OK. Feed them a meager supper. If your |
| Up on the current taboo about spankings or | | | | child complains simply say: |
| physical touch of any kind. | | | | "You are responsible, (child's name). We were |
| I've heard children tell their parents "Don't you | | | | unable to shop for supper today because you |
| dare touch me or I'll | | | | misbehaved |
| Report you for child abuse". | | | | In the store and I had to take you home." |
| Few parents have a tough enough skin to face | | | | There is a song with the refrain "It's cruel to be |
| the embarrassment of | | | | kind". |
| Having one of their children throw a full out | | | | It is true with child rearing as well as romantic |
| temper tantrum in a store, for example. | | | | relationships. |
| An valuable method to put a stop to a temper | | | | Misapplied kindness and a lax approach to |
| tantrum is to stop what you are | | | | parenting is cruel to yourself and to your children. |
| Doing and remove the child from the situation. For | | | | It leads them to believe that they can misbehave |
| example, if your are home | | | | with no consequences. |
| And a child begins to throw a temper tantrum | | | | This is learned behavior and your kids learn it |
| you can simply withdraw. | | | | from your actions. |
| I worked with a smart but totally spoiled child | | | | The good news is that you will not have to miss |
| with Asbergers Syndrome. | | | | too many dinners before your children "get it". |
| The kid had an extensive repertoire to gain the | | | | Arguing or defending your decisions only weakens |
| attention and compliance | | | | your status as the parent. |
| Of his parents. Among his behaviors was throwing | | | | When you permit your child to complain, plead, |
| a violent temper tantrum. | | | | argue, criticize, re-negotiate consequences or |
| When he attempted to use a temper tantrum to | | | | Place blame on others you are sending a message |
| compel me to give him | | | | that seats your child on an equal plane with you. |
| Access to his GameBoy after he lost the | | | | You are giving your child all the power in the |
| priviledge to play it I looked at | | | | relationship. Always remember: You are the |
| Him and calmly said: "I don't have to listen to this | | | | parent. |
| racket. I'll see you later | | | | It is OK to say "because I said so". |
| When you are calm." Then, I simply walked out | | | | Parenting is not a position of equality with your |
| the door. | | | | child. Family life is not and should not be conducted |
| In this case the client's behavior was easily | | | | As a democracy except in inconsequential |
| observed through a one-way mirror. | | | | decisions like whether family members prefer |
| He was dumbfounded. He really didn't know what | | | | KFC or pizza |
| to do next since without | | | | For Saturday night supper. |
| My attention all of his temper tantrum antics | | | | You are the responsible person. You are in charge. |
| were totally wasted. He'd lost his | | | | You set the rules. You know more than your child |
| Audience. Pretty soon he settled down and found | | | | And it is your job to coach and instruct your child |
| something else to do. | | | | to take accountability so that your child matures |
| In its concern to keep children safe from abuse | | | | With wisdom and grace. |
| the state authorities have | | | | Arguing with your child, complaining, blaming, |
| Disempowered parents. Parents have lost | | | | whining, pleading, criticizing or justifying your |
| whatever authority they had in the past. | | | | actions when communicating with your child only |
| I can tell you right now that I do not condone | | | | weakens your role as the parent. |
| verbal or physical violence | | | | You can tell when you are becoming defensive |
| Of any kind towards anyone, child or adult. I also | | | | when your tone of voice rises and you are |
| don't condone abusive, | | | | beginning to |
| Threatening and disrespectful behavior in children | | | | Feel angry or "triggered". Your first instinct is to |
| towards anyone else. | | | | defend yourself. |
| VERBAL OR PHYSICAL ABUSE FROM YOUR | | | | Don't bother. Simply provide direction to your child |
| CHILD IS NEVER JUSTIFIED | | | | and, if necessary WALK AWAY! |
| AND SHOULD ALWAYS RESULT IN A | | | | Maintaining your "cool" despite lots of provocation |
| CONSEQUENCE. | | | | is vital. When you lose your "cool", when you |
| You will be happy to know that the state is | | | | argue, |
| especially vigilant about protecting | | | | Yell and scream you send a message that you |
| Children from physical abuse by counselors, | | | | are out of control and that gives all the power to |
| teachers, social workers and | | | | the child. |
| Anyone else in a professional position vis-a-vis | | | | |