| Children who struggle with ADHD often know | | | | this feedback and support. |
| what they are doing wrong. Sure, there are times | | | | If your goal is to help your child better understand |
| when they don't, and they need reminding or | | | | his symptoms of ADHD, then I would suggest |
| redirection. In my experience as a therapist, there | | | | you always consider how he or she is going to |
| are a few typical ways of doing this: | | | | respond to your comments. |
| - Telling someone they are doing it all wrong. | | | | I can understand this might seem a little |
| - Helping them see what they are doing wrong. | | | | backwards, but put yourself in your child's shoes. |
| - Focusing on the strengths, and guiding them to | | | | How do you like to get feedback? Would you |
| more of what they should be doing. | | | | rather someone out and out tell you that you are |
| While each approach certainly can have an impact, | | | | wrong and doing things wrong? Is it productive to |
| I would first suggest to parents that they ask | | | | be told you are making these huge mistakes, |
| themselves on very important question: | | | | without any recognition of the hard work you |
| What is the result you are looking for?" | | | | have put into what you are doing right? |
| Are you looking to build them up? Or are you | | | | Most people in our lives are happy to point out |
| looking to break them apart? | | | | when we are doing things wrong. In my |
| As a therapist and ADHD coach, my tend to | | | | experience, there are very few people who have |
| believe you should help someone discover, on | | | | the patience and understanding to be supportive |
| their own, what they are doing wrong rather than | | | | and deliver feedback that is both constructive, |
| pointing it out. | | | | supportive, and encouraging. |
| When someone realizes something on their own, | | | | No one said that being a parent would be easy. |
| it has a more profound effect than when you tell | | | | Certainly, we know that parenting a child who |
| them flat out that they are doing things wrong. | | | | continually struggles and finds ways to constantly |
| Here's why: | | | | be disorganized, hyperactive, inattentive, or |
| | | | impulsive to be even more difficult. |
| 1. When you focus on the negative first, you | | | | But I can confidently tell you that change comes |
| make someone feel horrible inside. You are in | | | | from support and encouragement, and not |
| essence telling them that they are "no good," or | | | | constantly reminding him how disappointed you |
| at least that is how many children interpret the | | | | are. |
| message. While this is not your intent, it is easy | | | | The next time your child makes a mistake or |
| to be seen as coming across that way. Once | | | | gets in trouble at school, try a different approach. |
| someone has been put down, it takes that much | | | | Spend time asking the questions that will help you |
| extra effort to find a way to get back on their | | | | understand their situation. |
| feet. It takes more energy to recover, and | | | | Take the time to ask questions that are more |
| realize what they need to do. | | | | suggestive about how to deal with things. |
| 2. On the other hand, if you help a child with | | | | Give your child an opportunity to discover for |
| ADHD discover what they are doing wrong, they | | | | herself what she has done wrong. If it doesn't |
| have a chance to realize it for themselves. You | | | | work, you can always go back and try the |
| are instead giving them a chance to understand | | | | standard approach. But at the very least, you |
| what is happening and a chance to own it and to | | | | have tried to build them up and reinforce that |
| change it. While your child will likely need your help | | | | there is hope to overcoming their difficulties with |
| to change it, they will also likely be more open to | | | | ADHD. |